I’m a Terrible Person

STAUNTON, Va.—I just recently realized that I’m a miserable selfish tone-deaf insensitive creep.

Why didn’t I see this before?

All those years of reading the Times, the Post, Buzzfeed, and the Vanderbilt University alumni magazine have worked their way through the crusty rawhide of my soul and penetrated to my essence, revealing me to be beyond redemption, like a smoker who lights up in the cancer ward of St. Jude Children’s Hospital.

Actually, I just proved it again.

Who would write a simile like that? Are you trying to be funny? Do you think children’s cancer is FUNNY? Maybe you’ll think twice next time before you spew out the first thing that comes out of your head, because now we have to organize a letter-writing campaign against every Takimag advertiser.

Please let me do penance, or probation, or social-media jail, or whatever form of public horsewhipping is necessary to transform me from a self-righteous privileged Neanderthal to a craven apologetic humiliated loser crawling around on my knees trying to convince people that I Get It Now, I was wrong, I’ll go to rehab, that wasn’t the real me, I’m donating my salary to homeless drunk …

Read more at Joe Bob’s America on Taki’s Mag
(The opinions in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Southern Nation News or SN.O.)

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