Dating Advice for the Unreconstructed Man
It’s Hard to Find a Proverbs 31 Woman, But It Ain’t Impossible
I’m sorry to break it to you fellas, but every last American woman is already in a relationship. She’s married, heart and soul, to Uncle Sam.
I’m being metaphorical, but not by much. I’m using Uncle Sam to personify the American female’s husband but really her nuptials were given to the broad spectrum of perceived Establishment. Everyone from doctors, dentists, and lawyers, to the elderly greeter at Walmart demanding to search her belongings for receipts; all share her marriage intimacy. They’re all one and the same with the federal, state, and local governments. So for ease of the metaphor I’ll just refer to them all as Uncle Sam. Uncle Sam is her first and probably only true husband.
Being magnanimous, Uncle Sam allows her to sleep around. He has so many wives, after all, what’s it to him? He’s even willing to let her live with any one of her play mates for extended periods. She might even decide to get his official stamp of approval on her side-fling by filing for a ridiculous marriage document. She might, and usually does, grow tired of playing at this ridiculous institution (ridiculous as it’s practiced in modern America), and end it on a whim, whereupon she usually tries to settle in with a new side-fling. She knows Uncle Sam, her actual husband, will support her and either bully her play-things into providing her money afterwards, or directly support her himself. In either case, his comforting presence is always lurking in…